by Sarcasmo Jones
I was in Houston earlier today in an attempt to ridicule Mitt Romney in person. Alas, his security is very tight so I abandoned that particular project with a dejected sigh. I started going through a nearby trash can hoping to find something wet and gooey to throw at the Presidential hopeful, when a commotion arose from a bus parked at the curb. A man was shouting “burn it for God’s sake. If he reads this we’ll be unemployed by the end of the week!” A man in a suit with a Romney pin attached to his lapel sprinted to the trashcan I was just digging in and dropped a handful of papers into it while muttering “I work for idiots.” As he ran back towards the bus I pelted him in the back with a mostly uneaten Whataburger and then absconded with the discarded documents, which I now present for your entertainment.
***Editors note: This is obviously a work of complete fiction, written only for a laugh. Sarcasmo Jones was nowhere near Houston on the day of Romney’s speech at the NAACP convention. I’m fairly certain Romney’s staff shreds everything anyway. As for Jones, I think he might have taken a trip down “psycho lane” yesterday. But don’t worry, we’re getting him the help he so desperately needs.